Perhaps the plausible solution
is to mandate Latin again into curriculum:
vernacular conveying the gravitas demanded by current conditions.
Anticipating parental outcry over diminished GPA
and the self-inflicted epidemic of ADHD,
limited vocabulary instruction would pair
with a multitude of modern visual aids.
Focus first on basic roots:
Illustrate with streaming video of MLK and Winston Churchill speeches.
Assign autobiographies of Nelson Mandela and Mother Theresa.
Require students to volunteer in person for Habitat for Humanity;
Big Brothers/Big Sisters.
Spend second semester on prefixes and suffixes:
Show the girls in class clips of favorite reality TV shows:
ladies asserting sexuality by giving it away like men.
The boys will watch congressional hearings:
heroes explaining accidental performance-enhancing injections.
The class will band together to view grainy footage:
misunderstood trench-coated youth wielding 2nd amendment rights
statement suicides in blazes of infamia
faces of familia in most extreme dolor
candelae et flores in sollemne silentio at steel-gated entrances
making one final unified stand in memoriam.