HAMBUGGER YOU-NEVER CITY
U S of HAY
THE YOU-NEVER CITY PRESIDENT BRIEFS ADMINISTRAITORS
ON FACULLTY REALATIONS
The prime die-rective is keep ‘em corralled.
Stall ‘em with barbs—give ‘em somethin’ to
beef about. Beauty of it ‘tis—it’ll make ‘em
come after you, fer sure, makes fer a better herd.
Now, most of ‘em have no company pride—
don’t come to football games, or grade-a-tion,
or donate to the You-Never-City fund—especially
the soft ones in the watchmacallit deportments.
You’ll have to brand ‘em so they know
where they belong. Find some way to
cut their throats into waddles (if you know
what I mean). Makes round-ups ‘n’ head-
counts a cinch come time for anal retention
review. ‘N’ PC—my ass—keep ‘em no-account
greenhorns in the dark—you get whiter meat
‘n’ more tender. That’s affirmative action if I heard.
APB about the broads ‘n’ heifers—don’t make no
nevermind—they’re breeders, teats, sumen,
‘n’ baloney—suck ‘em dry. ‘N’ remember
the stakes—they don’t have names. Their backtalk is
just bullshit—move it on in, ‘n’ in,
‘n’ in, ‘n’ uh—howdeee, while yer at it—
fertilize . . . Show ‘em how the cow
ate the cabbage. When ‘em udder
facullty gits all horn ‘n’ buckin’—
I say, round ‘em up—stun ‘n’
slaughter in public. Grind ‘em down ‘n’ up—
press ‘em into uniform patsies.
The rest ‘r’ cowards—all of ‘em—smell blood ‘n’ huddle.
Yee-ha—the benefits will just thunder on in, ‘specially
for the barbecue—grill ‘em, lick ‘em—tongue is mighty fine.
Tan their hides. Give ‘em the boot. Then browse around
for some new hi-tech genetically man-i-pu-la-ted blood.
Let me re-veal to you the secret of my success—
I pit bull against bull—keep the blood flowin’.
As you know, the castrated make the cuts—
shell, strip, ‘n’ blank. Once they’re fixed, well,
I don’t have to tell ya: you can trust ‘em to steer.
Enjoy the Ro-day-o. Feed ‘em to each other ‘n’ you.
I'm livin proof —ain't no such thang as Mad Cow.